Last updated May 17, 2026.
Got a hard text from the other parent?
Get a calm reply in 30 seconds.
A free co-parent message coach built for family-court context. Paste what they sent, get a calm draft reply — plus a firmer version when you need to set a boundary. Not legal advice. Just the right words when you don't have an hour to think.
What it is
The Clearhavn Message Coach is a free AI assistant that helps separated parents respond to difficult co-parent messages. Paste any text from the other parent and get a calm BIFF-style draft reply in about 30 seconds, plus a firmer version if you need to set a boundary. Built for family-court context — communication coaching, not legal advice. 5 free sessions to start; included in Clearhavn Pro at $12/month.
Here's what it actually looks like
Real co-parent messages, real coach output. Each card shows the tone read, the suggested reply, an optional firmer version, and a note on anything worth logging as an event.
I need a yes or no by midnight tonight. Are you switching your weekend or not? You can't just leave me hanging like always.
Demanding · accusatory, time-pressured
The message creates artificial urgency on a parenting-logistics decision and adds a personal jab (“like always”) that frames you as unreliable.
I understand you need clarity on the weekend schedule. I'll review my calendar and get back to you by [time/date]. What specific weekend(s) are you asking about?
Asks for specifics, buys time to review, doesn't agree to the deadline.
I'm willing to discuss switching weekends, but I need to check my obligations first. I'll respond by [time]. Going forward, schedule changes work better with more advance notice.
When to use: If the deadline pressure is a recurring tactic or you want to set an expectation about advance notice.
· Urgent demand for schedule change with accusatory language suggesting a pattern complaint.(parenting exchange, severity 2)
Your narcissistic behavior is the reason this never works.
Hostile · accusatory, dismissive
The message uses a character attack to blame you for communication failure, without addressing a specific behavior or disagreement.
I'm not going to respond to character attacks. If there's a specific issue or scheduling concern you'd like to discuss, I'm open to talking about it.
Acknowledges the attack, sets a clear boundary on tone, redirects to problem-solving.
· Co-parent sent a message consisting solely of a character attack, without reference to a specific incident or logistical issue.(concerning communication, severity 3)
The kids said they wanted to stay with me this weekend instead of going to your house. I told them they should ask you themselves but they're afraid you'll get angry.
Manipulative · passive aggressive, framing children as reluctant
The message positions the children as the source of the request while attributing fear of you to them.
I appreciate you letting me know what the kids said. If they have concerns about our time together, I'd like to hear directly from them or from you about what's going on. I'm committed to our parenting plan and to being a parent they feel safe talking to.
Acknowledges the message without accepting the frame, reasserts the plan, opens a direct channel for facts.
Picking the kids up at 5, traffic might delay me 10 min. I'll text when I'm close.
Neutral · factual, cooperative
The message is straightforward co-parenting logistics with no apparent conflict.
Got it — thanks for letting me know. We'll be ready at 5, and I'll watch for your text.
Brief, friendly, confirms timing. Nothing more is needed.
Built for family-court context — not general advice
Built around an actual framework — not generic chat advice.
Most AI tools default to 'validate their feelings, name the emotion, soften the response.' That's the opposite of what works in high-conflict messaging. The coach is built around the BIFF framework (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm — Bill Eddy, High Conflict Institute), which is the same playbook many family-law attorneys teach their clients.
Doesn't give legal advice. Period.
The coach won't recommend what to file, predict what a judge will do, or cite case law. It helps you communicate calmly. For legal questions, talk to an attorney in your jurisdiction.
Treats every draft as potentially admissible.
Anything you send to your co-parent could end up screenshotted in a hearing. The coach drafts every response with that in mind — no contempt, no sarcasm, no personality labels, no escalation.
Knows your case's actual context.
When you connect the coach to a case in Clearhavn, it uses the other parent's actual name and your case's recent activity to make responses concrete. Without a case, it still works — just more generic.
Three modes, depending on what you're stuck on
| Mode | Use when |
|---|---|
| Help me respond | A message came in and you're not sure how to reply |
| Critique my draft | You wrote a response and want a calmer version before you send it |
| Analyze a thread | You're trying to spot the pattern across the last few messages |
Each mode follows the same shape: read the tone, suggest a calm reply, offer a firmer version when a boundary is needed, and flag what's worth logging as an event in your case.
Free to try. $12/month for the whole product.
Pro is Clearhavn's full plan, not a coach-only upgrade. The message coach is one feature included in Pro alongside unlimited cases, court-ready chronology PDFs, evidence packet exports, attorney sharing, and the native iOS app.
Free gets you 5 lifetime coach sessions plus 1 case with 25 events and 5 attachments — enough to feel out whether Clearhavn is right for you.
| Free | Pro | |
|---|---|---|
| Cases | 1 | Unlimited |
| Events per case | 25 | Unlimited |
| Attachments per case | 5 | Unlimited |
| File size limit | 50 MB | 100 MB |
| Court-ready chronology PDF | — | |
| Evidence packet export (ZIP) | — | |
| Read-only attorney sharing | — | |
| Message coach sessions | 5 lifetime | 50 per month |
| All coach modes + case context | ||
| Web + native iOS | ||
| Free forever | $12/month |
No credit card to start. Pro is month-to-month — cancel anytime.
What happens to your messages
The text you paste here is sent to Anthropic to generate the analysis. Anthropic doesn't train on API inputs and doesn't retain them. Clearhavn stores the session in your account so you can revisit it; you can delete any session anytime.
Your account is private by default. We don't share data with the other parent, your attorney, or anyone else without your explicit action. Full privacy policy.
Frequently asked questions
Is this legal advice?
No. The coach helps you communicate calmly. It won't tell you what to file, argue, or expect from your case. For legal advice about your specific situation, consult a qualified family-law attorney in your jurisdiction.
Will the coach tell me my co-parent is a narcissist (or some other label)?
No. The coach intentionally never uses clinical or personality labels for the other parent — even when their message contains them. That kind of language tends to escalate, and it doesn't help you in court. The coach describes what the message does, never what kind of person sent it.
What if I want a firmer response?
Most analyses come with both a regular suggested response and a firmer alternative. Use the firmer version when the situation calls for a clear boundary — repeated demands, attempts to renegotiate settled issues, or character attacks. The coach also tells you when to use each.
Can I use this without signing up?
The examples on this page show what the coach looks like in practice. To run your own messages through it, you'll need a free Clearhavn account (5 coach sessions, no credit card to start).
What is BIFF coaching?
BIFF (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm) is a framework developed by attorney Bill Eddy of the High Conflict Institute for responding to high-conflict messages. The coach drafts responses that follow these four principles — short, fact-based, polite, and clearly bounded.
How is the message coach different from ChatGPT?
ChatGPT is a general-purpose assistant tuned to be helpful and emotionally validating. The Clearhavn coach is tuned specifically for family-court contexts — it won't validate inflammatory accusations, suggest legal actions, or label the other parent. And every draft is written as if it might end up in a hearing as evidence.
Is the message coach worth the Pro upgrade?
Pro is $12/month for all of Clearhavn, not just coach. If you're regularly handling difficult communication and want unlimited cases, chronology PDFs, attorney sharing, and the rest of the product, Pro pays off. If you only want a few coach sessions to try it, the free tier covers that.
What happens to my privacy?
Pasted text goes to Anthropic via API and is not used for training or retained beyond the request. Your case data stays in your private Clearhavn account. See our privacy policy for full details.
Stop spending an hour writing a 4-sentence reply.
Get the calm version in 30 seconds. Try the coach free — 5 sessions, no credit card, no commitment.
Not legal advice. Built for family-court context. Web + native iOS.
More from Clearhavn
- Free Objection Trainer 40 family-court objection scenarios with instant explanations.
- How to keep track of everything in a custody case A working system for the events, evidence, and patterns.
- Why it's so hard to explain what actually happened Memory under stress, scattered evidence, and what helps.